Showing posts with label lap band surgery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lap band surgery. Show all posts

Thursday, August 26, 2010

august 12, 2010 ... the surgery

So, here is my surgery story and a little update on how I am doing. Hope you enjoy! I have been getting some emails and messages lately from ladies that are in the process of getting the band, or even just thinking about it. It has really been inspiring. I think it so important that I use this blog to post my story and information about me and my band! You never know who is reading! ;)

For me to have lap band surgery was a long long long journey. It all started in late January of 2010. I had thought about having weight loss surgery for years, but always decided against it. I would always think, "I can get this weight off myself, I'll just join a gym or start taking diet pills again." Which, I would do just that, and in a year would realize that in fact I had not lost any weight since the year before. To be honest, I would have probably gained weight. In February 2010, I went to the seminar. I wanted to do this so bad, but I wasn't sure if I would have the courage to go through with it. I was also told, due to my insurance company, I would have to wait 7 months to even get a surgery date. I knew it was going to be hard, but I also knew it was something I had to do. I knew there was a lot I was going to have to overcome, spiritually and physically, and I was the only one that could do it. No one was going to be able to do this for me, except for God!!!

So flash forward to August 4, 2010. 2 days after my 28th birthday, and more importantly 2 days after my 7th and final monthly primary care doctor's appointment. I prayed that morning on the way to work. I pray just about every morning on my way to work. I love to drive somewhere by myself and get alone with God! I prayed that God would give me the perfect surgery date, when it was time. I prayed that it would be a perfect date for a perfect surgery. That morning I called my surgeon's office to find out what my next step was in this long and trying process. I told her that I had completed everything. 7 months of consecutive doctor's appointments, sleep study, blood work, and support group. The only thing I had left was a nutrition class, that couldn't be scheduled until I had a surgery date, insurance approval, and a date. When I was talking to her she asked me how fast I wanted to have surgery? I told her that I would like to have it soon. I explained my reasoning, being that I was extremely nervous about surgery I thought sooner would be better. She said "What about next Thursday, August 12, 2010?" I was in SHOCK!!!! I didn't know what to say! I panicked! It went something like this,"Oh, that soon? Will that be safe for my liver? I haven't been on any kind of pre-op diet yet? Oh, I don't know that is really soon? Are you sure that will be ok?" She finally just told me to think about it and call her back in an hour. I thought about it, remembered what I had prayed, called my family, and then returned her call. August 12, 2010 sounded perfect! I was immediately put on a liquid pre-op diet. Immediately, like had a protein shake for lunch that day. I was scheduled for my nutrition class on Wednesday before my surgery on Thursday. Everything went great at the nutrition class; I also did all my pre-op blood work and testing that day. The only thing that was unexpected was that when I went for my last appointment with my surgeon, the appointment where he answers all your last minute questions and tells you everything is going to be fine, yeah my surgeon wasn't there. He had had a death in the family and was unable to be at the office that day. I had to see his partner instead. They assured me that my surgeon would be doing my surgery on Thursday though. Everything went fine. It would have just been more reassuring if I could have meet with my surgeon the day before he was going to operate on me! I had to be at the hospital at 8:00 am on Thursday. I was so nervous!

Ant and my Mommie drove me to the hospital. I didn't talk much. I cried. I cried almost the whole way there. I cried because I was scared. I was scared about the surgery, about the recovery, and if this was the right decision. It is scary. This whole process is. It is unknown ground. I even thought about backing out, but I knew they wouldn't take me back home! I prayed. I listened to my favorite calming praise and worship songs. I cried. I got a phone call from my sweet Gran Gran, that was on her way to the hospital to meet us. She told me she had heard from God and he said "Rest in Jesus." That gave me peace. I could feel it in my spirit. I new if I could go through with it, everything would be fine. We made it to the hospital and they put me in a room a couple of minutes after we got there. Anthony was allowed to go back with me at first. Then they would allow the rest of my family to come sit with me. They gave me my first blood thinner shot, which I would be on 14 days after surgery and Ant would have to give them to me. I got in my gown and tried to relax. I had my Bible clutched to me! Psalms 91 is what I read over and over. Finally they let my family come in. This is who all came to my surgery. Ant (husband), Mommie, Mandy (sister), Meagan (sister), Gran Gran, Paw Paw, Aunt Judie, Nealey (sweet girl in our youth group), and Carolina (sweet girl in our youth group)! That room was packed! I was so nervous they gave me an Adivan for my nerves. I didn't think it every kicked in, but Ant says I was acting really goofy. He said I kept starring off into space and saying really random things. :) I kept on saying I wish they would give me something else, because this isn't working! I had to wait a long time before surgery. There was a lady in front of me that had some complications. She was having her gallbladder removed and a band installed. Her surgery most have taken longer than expected.

Finally it was time for me to go to surgery. I made it quit the dramatic scene. Mary style of course! When the were wheeling me back I was crying uncontrollably. All 9 of my support team was telling me bye, walking with me down the hall. Everyone was crying. :) Well, maybe not everyone, but it sounds dramatic. Once I got to where they prep you for surgery, I was even more nervous. They put my iv in, and then I just had to wait. I was crying pretty much the whole time. I had asked earlier in the day if I was going to get to speak with my surgeon before surgery. They told me no, that there wouldn't be time. Everyone must have felt sorry for me because I was crying so much! The next thing I know, I looked up and there was my sweet surgeon. He wiped away my tears. Put his hand on my shoulder. Looked me in the eyes, and said this "I am going to take care of you like you were my own daughter. Everything is going to be fine. This is the right decision." All I needed to hear. He stayed with me for a few minutes until I calmed down. He patted my shoulder the whole time. Is that not the sweetest man? The next thing I know They are telling me they are going to give me a happy shot and it is time for surgery. They gave me the shot. I didn't feel anything, at least I didn't think ;) I remember getting on the operating table, them strapping my arms down, putting the heart monitor pads on, tilting my head back, and putting an oxygen mask on me. They told me it was time and to think of a happy place. Boom. I was out.

I remember waking up in recovery. The first thing I said was "Praise God!, Do I have a band?" They assured me the surgery went fine, it had taken 40 mins. I kept going on and on about I just loved Dr. Miles. I even told the nurses he was my best friend! It didn't take long until I was out of recovery and back in my own room. Ant was the first one to get to see me. I kept on saying, "I did it!" "Me and God!" My whole family then came in to see me. Ant said the surgeon said everything went perfect. He said that this band was going to work perfectly for me! He put in a 11cc Realize band. I was up walking around in about 10 mins. I drank my fluids, went to the bathroom, and then I was out of there! I felt great! Really not hardly any pain!
The next couple days are a little blurry. I think the liquid loratab might have something to do with it! I was pretty much off the pain medicine by like the 4th or 5th day out of surgery. I had a little gas, mostly in my chest area and under my ribs. Not anything unbearable. I took gas x stripes for the gas. It seemed to help. I never really had any shoulder pain! Thank God! My should hurt for maybe like 30 mins one day! My incisions are little, I think. I have 4 punctures and 1 incision where the port is. They don't hurt, but the one where the port is is a little tender. I have had a little port pain, but nothing to bad. :) Over all everything is great!

Now for a little update. I am down 20 lbs. since August 4, 2010! I am so excited! I feel great! Today is my first day of mushies. I had 3 oz of egg beaters with a little melted cheese this am. I made 4 oz but couldn't eat it all. It is so weird. Having left overs is a strange feeling. I am so not used to it! Did I mention I feel good? I do! It is a different feeling. Something I really can't explain. A feeling of accomplishment. A feeling of excitement for what's to come. A feeling of security. You see a year ago, I could have gone on this same liquid diet for the same amount of time and lost the same amount of weight. I could have worked just as hard, had just as much will power, and accomplished the same feat. The problem would be that I would eventually gain the weight back. It would have been inevitable. The weight would have come back. Now I have security. When I got on that scale this morning, I now know two things that have never been present before. I weighed 290 lbs. I will never weigh 290 lbs again. I have lost 20 lbs. I will never gain that 20 lbs back again. I have security. What a great feeling!

Here is a pic of my incisions. This is when I still had the staples in, and a little swelling! I will have to get some updated pics!!!!


Monday, August 23, 2010

life back to normal, well my new normal

Wow. What a great ride this has been. I am back to work today after being banded on August 12, 2010. It feels great, I feel great! I have tons of stories to tell ya'll about my banding experience! Lots of post titles floating around! I will get to all of them I promise!


I am still on my liquid diet. 20 days in. 2 more days to go. Then on to mushies!


18 lbs. down!!!!!!


Did I mention I feel good!


As I get back on blogger this morning from a long absence I am hurt about what has been written about me on an ugly man's, and I do mean UGLY, blog. When is this going to end. I know your right, it probably isn't. I am tired of being nice. Just to clear my record. I started this lap band process in February 2010. I got banded August 12, 2010. I had to wait 7 months for insurance purposes. It was not my choice! It was hard. It was a fight. I did it! God and I.


My surgery went fantastic! My recovery has gone fantastic! I feel great!!!!!


I love all of ya'll, I really appreciate all the kind words and emails that were sent my way!


Ya'll really are the best!!!


I have a ton of catch up work to do today at work, but I can not wait to get back to blogging!!!!


I have so many things to say!!!!!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Serenity.

I am on day 3 of my pre-op diet. Pretty good so far. I know it is really really weird but I actually feel good today! I had a massive headache yesterday, and was not sure I could take anything. I had been told previously not to take ibuprofen, alieve, motrin, or aspirin. So, I was a little concerned on whether I could take ANYTHING at all. I emailed my sweetie pie RN at my surgeons office and she said tylenol would be fine!!! Yay, no headache now. I really believe it is from no caffeine or sugar for the past 2 days.

I was a little disappointed this morning when I got on the scale and I hadn't lost an oz. I guess I was so shocked yesterday when I lost like 3 1/2 lbs. I expected it again today!!!!! I don't think I am going to weigh myself everyday anymore........never mind I know I will. It is just so weird because I NEVER loose any weight. It feels so weird that I actually did loose a couple of pounds. The last time I lost weight on a diet was probably over 2 years ago. I went to this steroid crazy Dr. That put me on a weight loss program. Basically just took lots of my $$$$ :) He tried to prescribe me diet pills but I wouldn't take them at first because I wanted to do it on my own. I lost 13 lbs. in 1 month. I was so excited. I only ate foods that "God" made...basically only natural foods. The next month I only lost 5 lbs. he told me it was horrible and it was like kicking him in the balls. Can we say inappropriate??? He then used cussed words in the same sentence he talked about going to church. Oh, and used the "N" word, because he was mad at African Americans because they built muscle easier than him????? Needless to say I never went back.

I had to go to Walmart AGAIN yesterday! I actually got hit on by a creepy man. I was walking into Walmart and this creeper say "Hey good looking, how are you?" Gross. It scared me. I didn't know what to say so, I said "Thank you!" I know, I told you it scared me and I didn't know what to say!!!!

Last night was a huge accomplishment. I like to say it was indeed a Labor of LOVE. Every month our church helps out with a drug recovery program called Celebrate Recovery. We provide the recovering addicts with a meal, serve the meal to them, and then our Praise Team sings the Praise and Worship for their service. I always enjoy going. Sometimes we go 2x a month. Last night it was hard!! We weren't serving anything special. It was just sandwiches, chips, brownies, and drinks. But, let me tell you!!!! A person on a liquid diet has a hard time serving ANYTHING!!!! I was serving the chips......In front of me was huge OPEN bags of every kind of chip I would DREAM about eating right now. I am talking Cheetos, Doritos, Plain, Sweet Heat, Sour Cram and Onion. You name it and we probably had it there. I had to serve everyone who came through the line hand fulls of CHIPS!!!!! Guess what, I did it! Even though it would have been SO easy to just eat 1 chip. I didn't! It really was a LABOR of LOVE! It made me feel good! Like.."Hey I can do this!" I didn't sing last night because I was a little weak. I don't think I am getting enough protein in still. I just sat in the audience and WORSHIPED! I felt such at PEACE! I actually cried. I love having ALONE time with GOD!!!

Protein shake this morning was a little better. I added frozen strawberries instead of just plain ice. I am not 100% that is aloud, but they were blended VERY WELL ;) I only put 1/2 a scoop of protein in it also. I know that's not right but I figured I can add a little more every time. Maybe this will help me get used to it!!!!! Other than that I will have a low fat cream of broccoli soup for lunch. Low fat yogurt for breakfast snack. Sugar free jello and pudding for afternoon snack. Some kind of brothy soup for dinner. Oh, and another protein shake hopefully!!!

At Celebrate Recovery we always say the Serenity Prayer with everyone before we leave. Even though I am not a "drug" addict, I still find it very positive and it helps me. I'll leave you with it!!!

God, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Amen.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Perfect Place

If ya'll haven't noticed I got a new blog layout!!! I love it! I think it is so cute!!! I am also changing the name of my blog!!!! It used to be called "Band Me....I'm Ready!" I love that name also because trust me, I AM READY TO BE BANDED!!!! But, after thinking about it, and realizing that this blog is about so much more than just my journey to be banded, I decided to come up with a more versatile name.....

"The Perfect Place"

I think that suits me perfectly!!!!! I am at the perfect place in my life right now! I am excited about this new journey I am about to embark on! I'm excited for the changes that are going to be made!

"The Perfect Place"

I want to thank each and everyone of you for commenting on my previous post about "What if's....."! I am in such a better place today than I was a week ago! I am still nervous but it is an excited nervous! A nervousness because I KNOW this is exactly the perfect place!!!
I went to my last 7 month appointment on Monday on my birthday!!!!! It feels surreal that THAT is over with! I had a long talk with my Doctor that I love so much! She has really been awesome this whole entire time! At the end of the appointment she hugged me!! :) Told me everything was going to be fine, and that THIS was the right thing to do! I just really love her.

I have a surprise for everyone!!!!!

Want to know what it is???

I have started my full liquid diet today!!!

Does anyone want to know why????

I talked to my weight loss surgeons office today, and Mary's procedure is getting very close!

So close that they told me to go on my liquid diet asap, like right now!!

Want to know another secret????

I didn't find this out till like 10 am......

Guess what I ate for breakfast????

King size Twix bar, a large pack of Lance Gold N Cheese bits, and a 12oz Dr. Pepper.

Let's just say that was a little embarrassing when I had to tell the nutritionist what I ate for breakfast this morning!!! She is a sweetheart and said it was fine, but to start my full liquid diet right then.

And THAT I did!

I went home and made me a strawberry protein shake for lunch. It isn't the GREATEST thing in the world, but I AM drinking it ;) I think I need to work on my shake making skills!!!!!

This is what I am allowed to have:

decaf, unsweetened tea or coffee
light juices
sugar free jello
sugar free popsicles
propel water
crystal light
broth
low fat cream soups
sugar free pudding
v-8 juice
tomato soup low fat yogurt
fat free milk
carnation instant breakfast
protein supplements - 2 or 3 a day
at least 64 oz of non carbonated beverages a day / limit caffeine

So what do ya'll think????

I am excited. Much more excited than I thought I would be! I have put THIS all in God's hands and I know HE knows what HE is doing!!!!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Wish List

Good morning!!!

Guess what my birthday is coming up!!!!

I am going to be a whopping 28 years old!!!

Getting to close to 30 for my comfort!

There are a few things I have been wanting! One is a have to for my weight loss and the other is a goal!

Here they are...


I need a scale desperately! I have this horrible old one that really doesn't work at all! I am not sure this is the exact scale that I need or want. I am wanting one that measures like the .1. You know what I mean? So if I went from like 230.4 to 230.3 I would still know I am loosing and it would still encourage me! I like the ones that can do all that cool stuff also! I was looking yesterday at Walmart.com and saw some that even measured like body water and your BMI!!!! If that really works I want one that can do all that stuff too! I would love to know what your favorite scale is, and if it is worth it to buy one with all the bells and whistles!!! Let me know ladies and boys!!!! ;)


Here is the goal item! I have to confess I dream about being able to wear these shorts. I just love them! I think they are beautiful! I can totally see me as one of these people that are just so gorgeous and thin and free that can just throw on a pair of these shorts and a t-shirt and go shopping or wherever! Disclaimer - once I can fit into these shorts I plan on living in them! I want like every color!!! A couple of weeks ago me and my husband were in a Hibbits Sports shop and I showed them to him! He thinks they are a great goal prize also! He told me once I could fit in them I could buy all the colors I wanted!!!!

Ok, so that is 2 items on my wish list! I need some more so I can give people birthday hints ;) What else would be a great investment for me? What items do you love that you couldn't do the band or your weight loss with out?? I need ideas!!!!!

I also want to take just a quick minute to thank everyone for there support during this horrible time with one horribly nasty blogger. All your comments have been great and all the emails have been greatly appreciated!!! I am going to keep on trucking on this path, because I know where the path is headed!

P.S. - I know nasty creepy man is still trashing me on his blog. It does hurt my feelings that he would take my "To DO List" from my blog and post it on his blog to make fun of me. But, you know what that is ok. It is his blog. I know the purpose for that to do list, and it has been a helpful tool to me during this journey. I am taking the high road, because I just don't really care. I am sure he is not the first person to make fun of me and sadly probably not the last. I can't expect everyone in the world to jump on my band wagon and support me in life. Some people just don't get it. The truth is sometimes it is just hard being famous. ;)

Monday, July 19, 2010

Support

I went to my support group this weekend! And.......I had a great time! It was the first time I have ever been, so I was a little nervous, but it ended up being great! I learned some new info, which is always good! I got to try some different kinds of protein and I even bought some! I ended up buying the Matrix vanilla kind. I choose it because they had lots of fun recipes that went with the vanilla kind and I thought it would be fun to change it up a bit!!! Some of the recipes were for a chocolate and peanut butter shake, strawberry cream shake, banana shake, and a chocolate shake! I tried most of them and they were all ok! I hope I can get used to drinking protein! I think it takes pretty nasty right now!!!! Anyway I got a copy of my pre-op diet at the meeting! I was actually kind of excited to see what I was going to get to eat.........which is pretty much NOTHING!!! I meant to bring the list so I could post it, but I forgot it! It basically was water, unsweetened tea, light juices, sugar free Popsicles, sugar free pudding, light yogurt, broth...........I guess the norm for most liquid diets! They want you to do it for 1 week unless you have a high BMI and then it is 2 weeks. If I had to guess I would guess I am going to have to do it for 2 weeks. My BMI according to me at 5'5" is 51. My BMI according to my surgeon's office at 5'4" is 53. I think that is a huge difference for only 1 inch!! I think that is a high BMI so I am just going to go ahead and plan on doing 2 weeks. I think it will be good for me!!!! Until then though I am sticking to the MARY PLAN and not thinking about what I eat. I know it isn't the best plan......but I am about to go on a crazy pre-op diet and HAVE WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY!!

Guess who I got to meet this weekend????? KIM!!!!! She is so sweet and so beautiful in person!! She made me feel so much more comfortable! Kim I really appreciate you going with me!!! It meant so much....so thank you so much!!!!!!!!! Her blog is here if you don't already follow her!!! http://good-byefattymcbutterpants.blogspot.com/!!!!!!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Closeness

This would be a good adjective to describe how I am feeling about my upcoming "procedure". Closeness. I think it is a good way to feel. It is getting close that's for sure! I can't help but maintain the idea that I am utterly UNPREPARED for this surgery! I need some advice from some pros!!! That would be ANYONE that reads my blog that is farther along in this journey than me...... pretty much EVERYONE!!!! I am probably about a 1 1/2 months away from have this "procedure" and my game plan right now is.......do whatever I want and eat whatever I want. Which is probably not the best game plan I'll admit! When ya'll were this close what were ya'll doing? Where you eating differently? Taking smaller bites? Exercising like crazy? Or, just setting back and mentally getting prepared? How do you mentally prepare?? I know I will more than likely have to do some sort of pre op diet before surgery. I have not been to my nutrition class yet because they want you to already have a surgery date when you go, I am guessing so it will be fresh on your mind when you actually have the surgery done. So I guess I just need some guidance! What are some things that I should be doing to get ready for this!!! I know you guys are great and will give me some great tips! :) I have faith in you!

I am going to the support group meeting tomorrow!!! Yay! I really am excited about going! I am going to get to meet a BLOGGER!!!!


I am looking forward to finally meeting her! My husband Anty is also going with me!!! I am hoping I get some good support and maybe some ideas on what I should be doing to prepare for surgery!!!

I hope everyone has an awesome weekend!!! Thanks for all the ideas ;)

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Thank God that is over with...

I have to be honest today.....I almost backed out of my sleep study :( I just didn't want to go! It wasn't like I was scared or afraid of the actual sleep study, I just DID NOT WANT TO GO DO IT! Do ya'll ever get that way about anything! I was just over it and didn't want to go. I really struggled with it. I got home from yesterday from work at about 4:30 and ate about 1/2 a bag of assorted left over Disney candy, some Cheetos, and some gummy bears, because I felt sorry for myself, you know since I was about to leave to be TORTURED and all ;) It was really hard for me to leave. Once I did leave I thought about turning around several times. The place I had to get my sleep study done at is about 1 1/2 hours from my house......so once I made it to the big ol city of Birmingham I knew I was in for the long haul since I had already driven that far! I made it there even though I was acting like a big baby all the way there. My Aunt called me on my way there. She really is encouraging to me! She had the gastric done almost 2 years ago by the same Dr. I am using. She has really inspired me on this journey. She talked me down of the ledge yesterday! The reason I wanted to not go to my sleep study was because I was also considering just not having the surgery done at all. CRAZY I know! I was on this super high coming back from Disney and the last couple blogs I wrote! I kept on looking at pictures and saying....."Ah, you really don't look that bad this big, everyone still loves you and you are so fun to be around! You are still gorgeous! You love yourself and that's all that matters!" CRAZY thoughts I know! After talking to her and my husband I have once again realized for the 100th time this surgery is a HAVE TO surgery at a HAVE TO time! I can't wait any longer. If I was going to do something about my weight I would have done it the last 6 months I have been waiting for surgery! Sure I don't have ANY health problems right now but what if I am still this weight or even BIGGER when I am 40?????? How will my health be then????

SO I put on a pair of my BIG GIRL PANTIES......

And that is exactly what I did. I will not lie. I had a horrible night! I got there at 8:00 pm just like they said. They gave me about 15 mins of alone time and then started hooking me up to like a million things. No joke I had like 7 things attached to my head, a nose piece, 3 things attached to my chin / mouth, 1 attached to my neck, both of my legs had 2 things each attached to them, several on my chest and ribs, a belt around my abdomen, a belt around my chest........it was just TOO much! It took like over 45 mins to get everything hooked up! Once she was done it was time for lights out, cell phone off, tv off, bed time! At like 10:00! I never go to bed till like 11:30!!! I had a really hard time falling asleep! I had to lie only on my BACK :( I am a total stomach / side sleeper!!!!! About 10:45 she asked me if I wanted any Ambien.....I said YES!!! I had never taken anything like that before but I was miserable not being able to sleep! Guess what at like 11:45 I was still WIDE AWAKE :) What is up with that? I though Ambien was suppose to like be MAGIC or something :( The nurse told me I was moving my legs to much and want to know if I wanted a sedative??? I asked her if it would help me sleep and she said yes, so I said SURE!!!! The last time I looked at the clock it was about 12:00 I probably fell asleep shortly after that! They woke me up at 5:00!!!!!!!!! They had to unhook everything!! At about 8:15 the Dr. came in the room and said.......I do not have sleep apnea!!! Yay praise God!!! So he said I was all cleared from him for surgery! PERFECT! Just what I wanted to hear! Bad news is I had to leave the sleep study place in Birmingham and drive back to Jasper and come straight into work!

I look like a WRECK!!!! ;)

But I DID IT!!!!

I am proud of myself!!!!!

Here is a picture of me right before they finished putting more attachments to my face!! Yes there was more!!!!!


Here is what I looked like right before I walked into work :)

I think I might leave a little early today and go take a nap in MY bed!!!!!!
Did you wear your BIG GIRL PANTIES today?????
;)

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.................


Tonight is my much dreaded sleep study :( I have tried to get out of this from the get go of starting this weight loss surgery process. It is not because I am scared or anything like that. I just hate to be away from my husband and my house! I know that may sound crazy, but I can just not stand not to sleep with Ant! It really bugs me that he is going to at home in our bed alone :( Poor Mary :) Ya'll should all feel sorry for me tonight!!!! That might make me feel a little bit better about this whole situation!

I hope and pray everyone is doing well today! Ya'll all say a little prayer for me tonight! I pray I actually sleep!!!!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Ant + Mary = The Real Deal


So.....I was going back over the post I wrote yesterday and I noticed something! Well, I really talked around the question that my friend asked. I had full intentions of that whole blog fitting together perfectly, but in true MARY style I got side tracked and kinda went off on something else! A true "popular sanguine" at heart I must say! (that is a personality type.....if anyone else knew that extra Mary love points for you, oh and leave me a comment for what type you are!!!) Actually I must come clean that my husband just called me and nicely reminded me that he should get some credit for me loving myself so much, and he should it is rightly deserved! So.....on with the rest of this blog!


I think our relationship is going to be fine! Yes, I really do! Here is why! It was what I was trying to say yesterday it just never made a full circle! Ya'll knew what I meant didn't you??? :) Not only am I happy and in love with myself, I feel the same way about where our relationship is......I love it! I think it is great! I feel PERFECT exactly where I am at with myself (on the inside) and in my marriage!


When me and Anthony started dating I was 21 and weighed 163 lbs. I was pretty hot! My weight has always gone up and down drastically in my life, this just happen to be a time that I was at my absolute skinniest. I was at the same weight I was at the day I graduated from high school. I was skinny for MARY, almost too skinny! Anthony was engaged when we first meet. I couldn't help it though. We feel in love immediately! It was one of those moments where I JUST KNEW!!!!! I knew right then I was in trouble because he was engaged, and I was going to fall in love with him. I knew we would be together FOREVER. I JUST KNEW! It really is a great feeling when you can take one look at someone and know that is your future!


Soon after we started dating I had to come off the diet pills I had been on. It had been a good run (over 2 years) on this particular kind and it was getting hard to get a prescription. Let's just say I gained some weight back, really quickly! I can remember going on vacation with my family and Ant to the beach and I gained 13 lbs. in like 5 days. I couldn't even button the pants I had worn on the way on the way home :(


Over our 6 year relationship I have gained lots of weight and lost lots of weight, but one thing has always remained the same.....Ant and I! I love him and he loves me, the real me that I know and love so much also!


So that's why I have so much confidence in our relationship, he has seen me at my best when he feel in love with me and he has loved me through my worst.


He is so supportive and so encouraging to me at all times!


I could never ask for a better husband, he makes me feel so SPECIAL!


Through him and God is how I found me, and that is a great feeling :)

Monday, July 12, 2010

Life is full of bubbles....when you are under the sea :)

I'm back guys from my vacation.....and I had a great time! It was seriously the BEST vacation ever! Just simple MAGICAL!!!! It was just great! I am so proud of myself!!!!!!! I rode everything I wanted to ride and did everything I wanted to do! It was just perfect! Here is some, really a ton, of pictures........and some thoughts :) stick around for the thoughts after the pictures! Some of you might enjoy :)

Magic Kingdom

Captain Jack

Minnie Mouse sparkle style ;)

Outside of Hollywood Studios

Ant singing on the American Idol Stage! He won 2 rounds of auditions, won the first live show with over 500 people in the audience, and got to sing in the live finale show that had over 700 people in the audience! I was so proud of him! ;)

Animal Kingdom

Downtown Disney


Sweet baby Praislyn was an angel the whole trip!


Cinderella



Epcot



Minnie Mouse


Epcot


Praislyn


Dumbo Ride !!!!!!


My sweet sister Mandy having the time of her LIFE!!!


Animal Kingdom.....Ant bought him a hat here ;)

My favs!

Getting ready to get on the bus!


4th of July!

Beautiful

I could seriously live in Minnie's house!


Welcome home ;)

Playing at Donald's Boat


Rain Forest Cafe at Animal Kingdom



Can not wait to see this movie ;)

Mickie Mouse

While I was on this trip I really got a chance to think about me and where I am in life. I am so proud of myself for taking this trip before I had weight loss surgery. I know that sounds silly but I really am just proud! You know it would have been so easy to take this trip after I had surgery and lost some of this weight, but I didn't want to do it that way! I wanted to prove to myself that my weight, whether fat or skinny, is NOT going to hold limitations over my life or my abilities! I walked 10 miles a day, just like everyone that traveled with us! I sometimes even walked up 3 flights of stairs after coming back to the resort after a very long day at one of the parks! I did it! And that makes me feel good! It makes me feel good about my upcoming surgery also!
Not to long ago one of my friends was asking ons about my surgery! I am a total open book and jump on any chance I get to talk about MY SURGERY! I am a total attention hog, I know! She started asking about my thoughts on the subject of weight loss surgery patients have a higher divorce rate and asked how I was going to handle it. (disclaimer....this lady is the sweetest lady in the world and did not mean this ugly in any way and I def didn't take it that way either, she was just curious and so am I about this subject) Anyway we got to talking about it, and here are my thoughts about it.........it ties into this post because I felt like my Disney trip was so awesome and freeing to be able to not let my weight affect ME!!!!!
I believe it is all about loving yourself and having a strong sense of who you are! I really think that is the key. You have to be happy with yourself fat or skinny! You have to love you on the inside. I feel like I am in a place in my life now, where I truly know exactly who I am. I know ME, and that's a great feeling! Sometimes I ask myself what am I looking for with this weight loss surgery? That is a hard question to answer. I am not trying to fix me. I like, really I love, me right now. I love the person I have become from the inside out! To be honest I am really not sure what I am looking for......it might be to buy a size large t-shirt instead of a 2x! It might be to make my face look a little less fat in pictures! You know I am really not sure. But, I do know this. It isn't to find me. I have already been found! I already know me and except me flaws and all! If I could spread one message to everyone I meet it would simply be this.....The best thing you can ever do in life is find yourself and fall in love. Once you do that everything else will just simply fall into place :)

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Free

I have been feeling so free latley.
Just so comfortable with myself!
It feels nice!
Still def having surgery, it just feels good to love myself so much!
Thought I would share!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Beautiful Day....


I'm still here!
Just busy as ever and trying to enjoy this wonderful summer!

I'm still FAT!!!! :)

I'm still waiting to get banded! :(

On the band front everything as going wxactley as planned!

I have my 6th Dr.'s appointment on Thursday!

I have my sleep study July 14th.

I have my support group meeting on July 17th.

I have my finally Dr.'s appointment August 2, my BIRTHDAY!!!!

Then from there I will have 1 nutrionist appointment and my pre-op appointment......

then Mary will finally be banded! Pheeeeewwwwwwwwwww

It fills like I have been on this JOURNEY forever!

Good news on a personal point I will be leaving for Disney World on Saturday! Yay for me! Everything is just about ready and I am really so excited!

I want to thank all my readers......seriously ther is 99 of them!!! Why do ya'll follow me???? I never update!!! :) Just joking I really appreaciate all of ya'll!!! You all have helped me so much in this process! Thanks!

Oh, I have been visted vy some fairies!!! Not just any fairies.....banded fairies!!!! Thanks to those special ladies who have sent me clothes!!! Oh, and a special thanks to Kim, she sent me Disney World maps! TOO sweet!!!!

So, anyway, I AM STILL HERE!!!

Don't forget about me!0
Oh.....and I would really love 100 followers ;)

Friday, June 4, 2010

Motivation.......

Motivation is something I desperately need.

These are some areas in my life I am slacking at....

WEIGHT

Duh, do I even have to get into this one????? I have lost not 1 lb in the past SEVERAL months. I am basically unmotivated to do anything weight related. I just eat basically whatever I want
:( Pretty bad when you think about it! I have a gym membership that I pay like over $40 a month for and haven't used it in MONTHS......Guys that is just pure laziness!!!!! I contribute my lack of laziness to having to endure 7 months of HELL while waiting to be able to wait for my insurance company to approve me for this surgery I want to have....... :( That is my main excuse at this point...I don't have any weight motivation NOW because I am having to do all this WAITING and it is very DISCOURAGING.....sounds ok, right???? Let's just hope I will actually have SOME motivation when I actually do have this surgery :)

WORK

I basically have no motivation at work either. I really have a lot of things I need to get accomplished EVERY day, but I just can not get any energy to do anything, except shop at Old Navy online, snoop on Face Book, read all the juicy gossip on Perez Hilton - TMZ - and X17Online!!!! Get my drift!!!!!!!

BLOGGING

I have been such a SLACKER!!! I still read / keep up with every ones blogs, just don't comment, or make any posts!!!!!!! Honest aren't I?????? I have got to be better!!!! I really do enjoy blogging it really makes me feel better about myself, and that I am not in this alone!!!!! I will try to do better this month! PROMISE :)

MARY KAY

I have really not been doing what I need to in Mary Kay. I so needed to get on the ball and sell some products for my upcoming VACATION!!!! I have sold some things, which is how I bought those clothes, but not anywhere where I needed to be in sales. I am going to make some calls tonight and hopefully set up some facials for next weekend!!!!!! If anyone needs anything let me know!!!!! You can email me at catmalonesellers@yahoo.com :)


That's pretty much all I have for today :)

I really don't have that much planned for the weekend, so that will be a nice change. My weekends are normally jammed packed!!!!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Hello.....my name is Mary :)

I know, I know.....I have been gone for way too long this time! I need a spanking! :)
No great excuses just a busy life in general!
I was talking to Amy @ http://babblesofabandster.blogspot.com/ and she said she missed my blog! Sweet isn't she!! She is also sending me some clothes!!!!!!!! I just love her! :)

I have really just been busy with work....church....church......home.....just everything!

I promise to start doing better! :)

On the weight loss front I am doing awesome I have lost 0 lbs!!!!!!!! Cool huh! Just joking...about it being awesome, I really have lost not one single lb :( Sad I know! I just have had to come to terms with the fact that I can just not loose weight on my own. It just doesn't happen for me :( I really don't know what to do about it, other thank just sit back and wait and pray really hard that when I do finally get this tool inside me I will succeed. Kinda depressing :( I need encouragement :) Maybe ya'll could help me with this.....hint hint ;) !!!

On the life front everything is going great just bust great! I am not sure if ya'll remember but my husband Anthony had hurt his foot while dancing at church the last time I posted! Well, praise God everything is fine! The first ortho we saw was here in Jasper was not really that good

:( Of course he wanted to do surgery like he does with every patient he sees :) Get my drift!!! Surgery was not in our vocabulary for a lot of reasons! So we went to see an ankle specialist in Birmingham at the Andrews clinic!!!!! Awesome experience! Guess what he said everything was fine :) Oh, and Eli Manning was in there the day we were! Pretty cool huh!!!!!!

On the Mary needs a vacation front everything is moving right along! Disney is less than a month away! Since I haven't managed to loose any weight :( I have just come to the terms that I am going to be doing Disney as a BIG GIRL!!!! But you know what, I am a hottie and you better believe that I am going to rock it big and beautiful style! :) I'll just have to squeeze in the rides!!!!! :) I have been doing a little shopping for my trip......here is some things I have bought!

Ok blogger is being weird and will not let up my upload my pictures :(

I'll try to post them later!!!

Now, ya'll get to leaving encouraging comments! :)

Thanks in advance! :)



Tuesday, May 11, 2010

"No we don't have any kids.........Oh it's ok, you don't have to be sorry."

This is my response to a conversation I have very often with random people.

It goes something like this....

random person: Do you and your husband have children?

me: No, we sure don't. Not yet, at least.

random person: Oh my goodness I am so sorry....

me: Oh, you don't have to be sorry it is fine, we just haven't had children yet.

random person: Well, how old are you?

me: Ummmmmm, I'm about 27ish

random person: OH, how long have you been married?

me: Almost 4 years.....

random person: Wow, ya'll haven't had any children yet, you better get started times a ticking.

It is always worse near Mother's Day. Mother's Day was the day Ant hurt his foot. EVERYWHERE we went that day someone would ask me if I was a Mother and then this WHOLE conversation would be started. It goes pretty much the same EVERY time. Sometimes I get tired of it. I mean I do know how old I am, and I do realize we do not have children yet!

The reason we do not have children yet is because....... well I guess there are a lot of reasons

#1

ME

I have not been diagnosed with this but I think I might have Tocophobia. Has any one ever heard of it? It is the scardness (not sure if that is a word but I hate saying the word "fear") of being pregnant. I am not really scared of having babies so I am not sure if I would technically be considered in the tocophobia group. I just get really nervous about anything medically and that includes child birthing! :) I have always just thought adoption would be a better method. I know there are some people out there that get weirded out about a baby actually living in them and all that, but that is not where my scardness is. I would just be nervous about the whole actual birth and nastiness like blood.....ewwwwwwwwwwwww! I know I am a big ol chicken :) You don't have to tell me! I get nervous when I get a paper cut! Anyway this isn't something I can't get past, but it is something I think about.
#2

MY WEIGHT

My weight has always played a huge part in why we didn't have babies. I look back now and we should have just done it right when we got married! I think back to why we didn't then and there was lots of reasons. We had just gotten married for one. I wanted to weight until I had lost some more weight. I should have just went for it, because let's face there is lots of things I have accomplished since we married but loosing weight has never made the list :) Every time I go to the Dr., the lady station Dr. I get the same spill......you can't have a baby now you weigh way too much. The last time I was at the Dr. she told me I had to loose at least 40ish pounds before I should even try. Now it would probably around 50ish :) I have always been so scared to get pregnant because of my weight. Really one of the main reasons for me wanting this surgery is I do want children! I try to act like it doesn't bother me, but it does. Here in the deep south if you aren't married and at least popped out 2 kids by the time your 25 they consider you WEIRD!!!!!

Now that I have analysed this blog really there are only two big reasons MY WEIGHT and MYSELF.

sigh......

Sometimes I wonder if I sabotage my weight loss myself because I know if I am fat I can't have a baby? That was really even hard for me to type. I do wonder that sometimes though. I really do want babies so bad. I hope once I loose the weight for good I will be so excited I will just go for it! I am so excited about getting this surgery! I think it is going to be the best thing in the world for me! I think it is going to help me get over some stuff and help me grow as a person! By this time next year ever thing is going to be different! Hey, I might even be pregnant.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!!!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Ant......He has my heart!

So I have been missing from the blogs lately! Sorry ya'll, I have just been so busy with work and church...... the list goes on and on! I thought I would write a post today about my FAN-tastic husband. Ya'll he really is so awesome! I call him Ant! His real name is Anthony! I was hoping to write this post last Monday but didn't get around to it! So, this one is for you Anty!!!!!! First here is a pic of my super HOT husband.........


I know he really is hot. ;)

Here are some more pics...




He is so my BEST friend! I love him so much!

Sweet story...

This weekend I had to be at work at 7:30 am on Saturday because we were having a spring fling to raise money for the non profit organization I work for. I was so bummed about having to work all day since there was so much around the house that I needed to get done. Well, to make a long story short he drove to town about 9:30 am to bring me breakfast, then when I got home he had straightened up the house, gone grocery shopping for me, and bought me a dress to wear on Sunday to church and a dvd - It's Complicated (which by the way was so funny)!!!!!!! It was the sweetest thing! It really meant a lot to me!

So Ant, thank you! I love you so much and am so excited about us spending the rest of our long and happy lives together! We were made for each other! :)

Now, onto Mary CRAZY news.

I think I need a brow lift.

I have been OBSESSING over this ALL day long. I have taken, I really can't even tell you how many, tons of pictures of my eyes and eye brows today. It is driving me crazy.

The dilemma.

My eye brows used to not be this low.......

Is it because I am a fatty?

Is it because I am getting old? I mean I am almost crossing the lines of turning 28!!!

Am I CRAZY???????

Here is some PROOF!

Ok, this is a picture of me in my YOUNGER days. Oh, and of course I weighed a COUPLE lbs. less than I do now ,like maybe 70 ;) ....

NOTICE the BROWS.......

Now here pic #1 from today - smiling with my mouth closed and in normal eye position...


Here is pic #2 - smiling with teeth showing and in normal eye position...


Here is pic #3 - smiling with teeth showing and in "make your own eye brow lift / my sister tells me I look retarded when I do this" position...

So. my conclusions....

I need a brow lift! :)

What do ya'll think. Maybe when I FINALLY get banded and start to loose some weight it will make my brows look more lifted because my face will not have so much fat on it? Will go with that answer for now, at least that makes me feel a little better that there is hope for my brows! :)

Oh, and I really need my teeth whitened............

Thanks for reading ya'll!

Oh, and Ant I love you big!


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