This is my response to a conversation I have very often with random people.
It goes something like this....
random person: Do you and your husband have children?
me: No, we sure don't. Not yet, at least.
random person: Oh my goodness I am so sorry....
me: Oh, you don't have to be sorry it is fine, we just haven't had children yet.
random person: Well, how old are you?
me: Ummmmmm, I'm about 27ish
random person: OH, how long have you been married?
me: Almost 4 years.....
random person: Wow, ya'll haven't had any children yet, you better get started times a ticking.
It is always worse near Mother's Day. Mother's Day was the day Ant hurt his foot. EVERYWHERE we went that day someone would ask me if I was a Mother and then this WHOLE conversation would be started. It goes pretty much the same EVERY time. Sometimes I get tired of it. I mean I do know how old I am, and I do realize we do not have children yet!
The reason we do not have children yet is because....... well I guess there are a lot of reasons
#1
ME
I have not been diagnosed with this but I think I might have Tocophobia. Has any one ever heard of it? It is the scardness (not sure if that is a word but I hate saying the word "fear") of being pregnant. I am not really scared of having babies so I am not sure if I would technically be considered in the tocophobia group. I just get really nervous about anything medically and that includes child birthing! :) I have always just thought adoption would be a better method. I know there are some people out there that get weirded out about a baby actually living in them and all that, but that is not where my scardness is. I would just be nervous about the whole actual birth and nastiness like blood.....ewwwwwwwwwwwww! I know I am a big ol chicken :) You don't have to tell me! I get nervous when I get a paper cut! Anyway this isn't something I can't get past, but it is something I think about.
#2
MY WEIGHT
My weight has always played a huge part in why we didn't have babies. I look back now and we should have just done it right when we got married! I think back to why we didn't then and there was lots of reasons. We had just gotten married for one. I wanted to weight until I had lost some more weight. I should have just went for it, because let's face there is lots of things I have accomplished since we married but loosing weight has never made the list :) Every time I go to the Dr., the lady station Dr. I get the same spill......you can't have a baby now you weigh way too much. The last time I was at the Dr. she told me I had to loose at least 40ish pounds before I should even try. Now it would probably around 50ish :) I have always been so scared to get pregnant because of my weight. Really one of the main reasons for me wanting this surgery is I do want children! I try to act like it doesn't bother me, but it does. Here in the deep south if you aren't married and at least popped out 2 kids by the time your 25 they consider you WEIRD!!!!!
Now that I have analysed this blog really there are only two big reasons MY WEIGHT and MYSELF.
sigh......
Sometimes I wonder if I sabotage my weight loss myself because I know if I am fat I can't have a baby? That was really even hard for me to type. I do wonder that sometimes though. I really do want babies so bad. I hope once I loose the weight for good I will be so excited I will just go for it! I am so excited about getting this surgery! I think it is going to be the best thing in the world for me! I think it is going to help me get over some stuff and help me grow as a person! By this time next year ever thing is going to be different! Hey, I might even be pregnant.
Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!!!
