it's days like today...

...that I want to get on here and write a post about how I am mad because I can't seem to break over more than 38 lbs lost. It days I want to blame my scale because I think it is seriously evil and conspiring against me, that I look back at pictures that were taken at Disney World just 4 months ago and thank God that I don't look like that anymore! The scale will eventually move! I'll keep working the plan and moving on little by little. Sometimes we just have to have faith!

once upon a time.....

..... about 4 years ago there was this pair of jeans. A pair of jeans that was a size 22 with little stretch, from the "old" Old Navy sizes that were true to size. You see I didn't have very many pairs of jeans back then because I was gaining weight at that time. All my size 20's were a little too tight. This one pair of jeans was very special though. I could wash them at night and dry them while I slept. I could wake up in the morning and pull on those tight perfectly fitting jeans, and walk out the door. No tugging, no squatting, no crazy stretching, no lying on the bed sucking in. They just fit. This day almost exactly 3 months after being banded, after loosing exactly 38 pounds. They fit the same way they did 4 years ago. They fit. Fresh out of the dryer. Perfectly snug, but not too snug. They fit.

Just thought I would share :)

the post you have all been waiting for....

Hello sweet blogger friends! It's Monday get happy!! :)


I am down an official 38 lbs this am!


Oh, and it is the first real day of the holiday challenge! I am motivated and that is a good thing!


I went for a fill on Thursday. My second fill! Guess what it didn't hurt! I was so relieved! Pain free! I don't know what happened the first time? Craziness I swear! All was good and just like I had expected I was down 6 lbs. It had been exactly 4 weeks since my first fill, so everyone was pleased. I had 4 cc's in the band from the first the first fill and they put in an additional 1 cc. So, now I am up to 5 cc's! I am feeling great. No problems since the fill. I am not really able to eat as much as I was eating but that's a good thing! I am still able to eat things I shouldn't eat though.....last night at about 9:00 Ant decided to order a pizza. Boo.....I know! I wasn't even hungry but I managed to eat like 4 bites of a cheese stick bread and all, and the topping only off 1 piece!!!!! I know I was being such a bad girl!!!!!


When I was at the Dr. they were asking me questions about how much I ate...yadda, yadda, yadda. I was telling them that I was hungry all the time, could eat anything (disclaimer....I am really not hungry all the time and I really can't eat anything I want - I was making sure I was going to get that fill! And, trust me at my conservative Dr.'s office you have to act like this or they will send you right back out that door with no fill!) The nurse told me to make sure I never ate over 1 cup of food no matter if I was still hungry or not. I knew that I wasn't suppose to eat more than a cup, but I didn't know I was never suppose to eat more than that even if I could. They told me to never eat more than a cup because it could stretch out my esophagus and could eventually cause problems with the band!


In conclusion, I am back to measuring everything! I even carry a measuring cup in a zip lock bag in my purse! I am hard core ;)


Things I have decided to get serious about for this next month until I go back to the Dr....


water, I know I am not drinking enough.


measuring, have got to keep doing better at this!


All in all it was a great visit! The Dr. was super excited about my progress! 38 lbs. is deff a VICTORY! Now, I have to get rid of these pesky 2 lbs to reach 40 lbs down! Then, I have 10 lbs to loose to make my next goal!


I can do this! We ALL can!

what i haven't shared with ya'll...

Ok. So it's a known fact that sometimes when my weight loss isn't going as perfect as it should be and I snuck and ate that little roll with my lunch that I should have never ate, and trust me I have felt guilty all day, that I tend to over load my blog with make up, fun pictures of my family, or the cute bubbly side of Mary that I hope everyone enjoys.

With that being said.....I think you can see where this is going. There has been an abundance of bubbly Mary, cute pictures, and make up. And while I really enjoy blogging about those subjects, it's time to talk about weight and this band that I had installed around my stomach :) Oh, I must put a disclaimer out that part of the reason for all the cuteness, pictures, and make up is also a part of my huge commitment to try and blog, which I think I have been succeeding ;)

Now back to the weight......if I keep rambling on I am liable to post a make up tutorial instead :) So far my weight loss has been good I think. I posted a post at the end of last week declaring the victory that I had lost 36 lbs. Really ground breaking news for Mary. Mary who couldn't even manage to loose 10 lbs a year ago while taking diet pills. What I didn't share with ya'll was the fact that the scale told me a secret this past weekend. It told me that I had lost 2 more lbs bringing my total to 38 lbs. 38 lbs. I was literally in shock, I weighed 272 lbs. Well in all reality, I wasn't in shock too long because the next day I was back up to 276 lbs. Then the next day 275 lbs. Heart broken. I really can't figure it out. I know it pretty much has to be water. I didn't eat that much food to cause that big of a weight gain in that short of time. Even with knowing that it has still affected my week. I have eaten a couple pieces of Halloween candy here and there that I might have not eaten if I was still on my I weigh 272 lbs high. But because I was on a gain low it was even more the reason to eat :( I have a Dr.'s appointment on Thursday for a fill. In all honesty I have done great this month. On Thursday it will be exactly 1 month since I had my first fill. I weighed 281 lbs the day I got my fill and a month later, even if on Thursday I am still at 285 lbs, I am down at least 6 lbs. That's great according to my Dr.'s standards. He likes 1 lb a week, no more than 2 or no fill! So, I shouldn't be beating myself up all the time over this! I have a band, it's been life changing, and I know for sure my life is changing. You know I am coming up on my 3rd month band anniversary. It really seems like forever ago that I had this procedure done. Looking back I still can't believe I went through with it. Totally against my character. I am so happy with my decision to do this. And, I am doing this! Even if I have only lost 35 lbs...... 35 lbs is a huge accomplishment in less than 3 months. Sometimes when I think about the band I have mixed feelings. I am not sure if everyone has the same exact feelings, but I thought I would share. Sometimes I am so thankful for the band because for a couple minutes if I think really hard I can grasp my head around just how live saving this band is. How much it has changed me already, and how much I know it is going to change me for the better. Some days I worry, it isn't working. Some days I worry, it is working too much. Some days I think, why did I even get this? Some days, I think how could I have even considered not doing this? Some days it scares me, how is this band going to change my mind, my thought process. Some days I stop and think, I am such a different person than I was 3 months ago, and then it makes me so proud of myself. Sometimes I look in the mirror and get scared, what if it changes my body too much? Sometimes I look in the mirror and get scared, what if you can never tell the difference? Some days, and I must add it is almost everyday, I thank God for this opportunity. That I went for it. That I am working it. That I know it is working. That I know I am going to be ok.

Toodles Poodles ;)

So....I wrote this blog yesterday. This morning my scale said 276 lbs :( Not good! It is time for an intervention! Thank God I am getting a fill tomorrow!! It is time for an intervention ladies! I'll write a blog later on what I am going to change! I know what I am doing wrong. It's time to fix it!

who is in charge of these sizes?

Geez! Who is in charge if sizes these days?

I have great news! After I got on my blog and complained that I wasn't loosing weight anymore....I had a 2 lb. drop! Yay! My new total is official 27 lbs. I am so satisfied with that! I feel great!

Even though I have lost nearly 30 lbs. I am still wearing the same clothes that I wore on any given day when I weighed 310 lbs. :( Am I EVER going to go down in a size? I feel like my clothes fit me fine. My faithful skinny jeans are a little loose...I have to pull them up every time I get up! A lot of butt crack going on these days! But really, in all honesty, my clothes fit fine. It is hard for me to imagine how I squeezed in these clothes when I did weigh 310 lbs. Goodness, now that I think about it, they must have been really tight! ;) Oooopppsss!

Anyway, since I have been thinking about sizes lately I thought I would share this.

I pretty much associate everything in my life with what I had on that day / how much I weighed that day / what size my clothes were that day. Does anyone else do that? Like the day I got married I weighed 230 lbs. My wedding dress was a size 22 that had to be altered down because I lost a little bit of weight before my wedding day! The day my sister got married I weighed 260 lbs. I wore a size 22. The day I meet Anthony I weighed 160 lbs. I wore a size 12 / 14. The day I graduated from high school I weighed 163 lbs. I remember I shopped at Abercrombie and Fitch for my senior trip I bought all sizes 12 / 14's. On our, Ant and I, first year anniversary , cruise to Mexico, I weighed 290 lbs. I wore probably a 22. When we got married, at 230 lbs, I wore a size 20.

Sizes are just so weird. It seems like they are never the same. Like, the last time I weighed 283 lbs. it seems like a size 22 fit with no problems. Today at 283 lbs. - they are a tight fit! Craziness I tell you!

Which brings me to the point that I don't think I really wore a size 24 at 310 lbs. before I had surgery. I think I could squeeze into a size 24 (STRETCH) from Old Navy, but I don't think I actually wore a true size 24. I think I probably wore a 26 or maybe even a 28!

I really hate this vanity sizing thing! It just messes up everything for someone loosing weight, but for someone gaining weight it makes a lot of sense!

decades.

It feels like it has been a decades ince I have written a post. I am sorry! Life just gets in the way sometimes!

I am in band HELL. Ya'll know what I am talking about!!!! Seriously.

I had my surgery August 12. I have had no fill, my first one is scheduled for September 27. I have lost 25lbs. so far. I don't think that is something to shout about :( The scale has not moved in over a week. I am starting to have some....am I doing this right thoughts. I try so hard. I feel like I am eating to much. I have never had a "stress / PB" episode or anything like that. I try to never eat more than 1 cup / 8 oz (by volume) per meal. I just feel like I am eating too much! I really do not want to mess this up! I am just HUNGRY. Bottom line!

Ladies......am I doing this right? I just don't want to fail at this!!!!!!!!

Send me encouragement! I need it! ;)

Catch up ;)

Hi guys!!!!


I am so sorry I haven't been blogging as much lately. I have been swamped at work!!! Our receptionist is on maternity leave and since I am the next in line I have been doing my job and hers as well! Oh, I don't think I have ever mentioned what I do for a living???? I work for a non-profit organization funded by United Way called Early Intervention. Anyone ever heard of it? It is a state mandated program that is available everywhere. I work for the the one that services the county I live in! We provide case management services, occupational therapy, speech therapy, physical therapy, and family training services free to families with children 0-3 in age that have some sort of disability or developmental delay. I am the office coordinator (glorified Secretary) and do all the medical billing for our program. So basically I bill medical claims all day!!!!! :) Anyway.....that was way off subject!!!


What has been going on in the life of Mary???


The scale finally moved!!!! Yay!!!!! I seriously have been grinning from ear to ear! I am down 23 lbs! I know that isn't a lot compared to some other peoples loses, but I am ecstatic!!! It really just seems unreal......Have I really done this????? 23 lbs gone! FOREVER!!! :)


What's changed since the loss? Well, I fit in the bath tub better. I never really realized it was a tight squeeze before......it is way more roomy now!!! I painted my toenails last night. I have always been able to do this, but it was easier. I didn't realize it was hard before, but now since my 23 lb weight loss I have noticed it is easier!!!! I have not gone down any sizes in clothes! But, I have come to the realization that I was more likely a size 26 before my surgery. I always said I was a 24. I don't think so anymore! I think my mind just couldn't except a 26!!! I feel better also!


I am able to eat protein now, which is what I contribute my extra weight loss to!!!! I love some meat!!!!!


I have not been able to read very many blogs lately....but it's not because I don't want to, I just don't have the time!


Know I still love ya'll! Know I am proud of you!!!!!!