Tuesday, July 27, 2010

what if's....... :(

WARNING: I am having a lot of doubtful thoughts and I don't know who else to talk to about them with other than God and ya'll! :(

Where to start. I am having some major doubtful thoughts about this whole thing. I need some advice! I need some answers! Can ya'll help me?

It really all started when a nasty blogger harassed me for a week. Someone who doesn't believe in weight loss surgery. I know I shouldn't let negative things like that effect me. But, the reality is no matter how much you try not to think about what they said or commented the damage is already done. The words had already been typed, and I had already read them. I tried to forget them and shove them in the back of my mind, but they kept creeping on out.

On top of all this I googled this yesterday,"Is lap band surgery dangerous?" Stupid, stupid thing to google. Especially when you are like 1 month from lap band surgery. STUPID!!!! Of course it was a HORRIBLE site, with HORRIBLE stories with HORRIBLE endings. I will spare ya'll the details of these stories.

I cried yesterday. I cried because for like the first time in a long time I really didn't know if I could go through with this. I know it sounds really silly, but after reading all these horror stories I didn't know if I wanted to risk everything to place a band around my stomach.

Did any of you ever think, what if? Did any of ya'll ever have doubts?

What if this doesn't work? What if I did all this preparing for nothing?

What if I risked my life for nothing?

All these people had HORRIBLE stories of what had happened to there family members. I don't want anything like that to happen to me.

Did any of ya'll ever have doubts like these?

Am I crazy? I keep thinking maybe I can do this myself. But the honest answer is I know I can't. If I could I would have already done it. I want kids so bad. I am turning 28 next Monday. When I turned 27 I "promised" myself I was going to loose weight so I could get pregnant when I was 28. Never happened. I have tried a lot of diets during this year. Did a "only eat what God makes" diet. Joined a gym and tried their program. Never happened.

What scared me the most about all these HORRIBLE stories and negative talk are these questions...... Can ya'll help me?

All these people had HORRIBLE things happen to their family members after the surgery. I can't even type it. Did any of you ever worry something would go wrong? Have you ever known someone to have severe complications from the surgery?

They all talked about how no one has really had the band in for very long. They said they only knew people like 5 years out and they all had severe complications. They even said they had stopped doing this procedure in Europe because of the long term side affects and HORRIBLE complications it was causing. Have ya'll ever heard of this? Do you know anyone that had has the band for a LONG time? Do non reversible complications occur after several years?

Is this surgery safe? Is the band safe?

I know I am asking a lot of hard questions, but I don't know who else to turn to. I have prayed and prayed about this, and I am just really not sure.

Sorry for this very very depressing post!!!

I promise to return to your scheduled Mary happiness next post!

I would really appreciate ANY help ya'll could offer.



Fluffy said...

Hi Mary - Honestly, I think everything you are feeling is "normal" for an elective procedure. I can remember freaking out as I got closer to the date and thinking "OMG - Should I really do this? Maybe I shouldn't?" etc. Ultimately, only you can decide--trite, but true. I went ahead with it. Would I do it again? Yes. Do I regret it? No. I am 5 years out in November. Take a look at my blog. Please feel free to let me know if you have any questions. I'm happy to provide you with my perspective/opinion.
Take care.

TracyZ said...

There are risks with any and every surgery. My opinion is that the risks of staying obese far outweigh those of the surgery.

You risk your life every time you get into a car and walk down the street. In the grand scheme of things this procedure is meant to save your life.

Jen said...

Ok, first things first, STOP reading those sites!!! I did not have a lot of doubts going into the surgery. I knew that what I was doing was ultimately going to change my life and I was OK with that. I did, however, have doubts 7 days out when I felt like total crap and just miserable and all I could think of was "why in the world would someone do this to themselves voluntarily!!" but on the 8th day, when I woke up and felt fine, I had to laugh at how pathetic I was!! I do, every once in a while, miss the ability to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. But, then I think about the fact that I've lost almost 70 lbs and have never done that before, I realize that I did do the best thing I could. It is not easy and if you go into it thinking that it's an easy way out of losing weight, you'll be only disappointing yourself. I have had to work really really hard to lose that 70 lbs.. working out all the time, watching what I eat, etc.. I can honestly say if I had to do it all over again, I would definitely do it. I'm only 8 months out still and have a long way to go but it's totally worth it!! So, quit reading those sites!! and keep to the bloggers you have as friends on here to tell you the truth!!!

Kerri said...

Ok, STOP! Take a breath! Relax! I know exactly what you are going through, I went through the same thoughts and emotions prior to my surgery in May. The band WILL WORK if you work with it! You WILL lose weight as long as you follow the band rules! I am losing and I am loving my band! I just recently started loving my band and you will too. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep your head high! You can do this, you will succeed! You will be just fine!

-Grace- said...

Listen to Jen: don't read anymore horror stories! I had the same reservations before surgery. This is perfectly normal, imo. This is, after all, an elective procedure and as life-long dieters it's hard to believe that something could work that would make the discomfort of surgery worth it.

You will be sore for a few days to a week. That is perfectly normal. But before you know it, you'll be back to your feeling-good self!

There are complications with any procedure, no matter how simple. Try to keep positive and pray (I know that will help you :)). I think if complications were so usual, we'd hear a lot more about them here in blog-land. We do have a pretty large, diverse community after all.

Maybe to get your mind off the horror stories, check out some long-term bandsters on LBT or here on the blogs. Fluffy has a great blog! I even re-read Amy W's right before surgery since she is a band rockstar!

Heather said...

First and foremost STOP reading those sights. Think about this for a minute though... would you feel as your life would be complete if you never tried and chickened out? The answer isn't obvious to me as it is a question for your heart. I am with Grace in that if these complications were so common, we would hear about them more in bloggerland.

Elective surgery is a scary thing. It is great that you are happy with your body image now, but you will also be happy with yourself when you decide your future.

Debbie said...

I agree with everyone else stop reading those sites. Just take it on day at a time. I have heard all kinds of good things about the band. I would have it done if I could afford it. My insurance will not pay for it. So go for it, follow your doctors orders and everything will be great. :)hugs

Kim said...

Those are all normal feelings and emotions. I felt the same way, but you have accomplished so much in the past 6 months with going to the Dr., your sleep study, suppport group, etc. It is so worth it Mary, I promise. Since we go to the same Dr. office, I can tell you from experience they are WONDERFUL doctors. This was the best decision I have made. If I had not had the surgery I would have kept eating myself literally to death. I would do it again in a heartbeat. We are all here for you, to support and encourage you.

LDswims said...

I agree with others, stop reading that other stuff. If you want to be successful you have to be positive, I believe. Self-fulfilling prophecies are real. And doubts can lead to negative self-fulfilling prophecies. A very simplified outlook there but it can make all the world of difference.

Surgery has a risk and it's good and normal to be worried about that. But the lap-band surgery percentage of complication is next to nill. If you want to know your surgeon's stats, ask.

There are also risks for the band, slippage, infected port sites, erosion, etc.

There are also risks in doing nothing.

There are also risks in doing what you've always done.

And what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

I have a requirement with blogs and research and websites regarding the band and that is it has to be positive. I won't follow negativity, I won't keep myself abreast of people trying to fail. And there are people out there that, to me, seem like they are trying to fail. I am, personally, trying to succeed.

I am happy with what has happened so far. And my main incision is still infected. Even with that, dealing with that nearly 4 months later, I'd still do it again! The personal journey in this has far more involvement than weightloss.

You have a great community here to help you keep your head up. But whether you get the band or not, you WILL be doing this on your own. It's still a lot of work but you are stacking the cards in your favor, I believe, by getting the band.

And if you have doubts, I think it is wise and proactive to be asking the people out there that are successful and are right there beside you. Like you have done with this blog, don't let these doubts fester or go unaddressed. At the end of the day, there can be no guarantees, but I can say, I'd do it all again as the risk of not doing the surgery was far greater than the risk of doing surgery.

Alison said...

I'm in Europe and was banded in March, it's not been banned here.
What everyone else said about everything else!

ChristineKingery said...

I've been banded for a year and a half. It hasn't all been perfect. It hasn't all been a cakewalk. But I don't regret it at all! Well....the only regret I have is that I didn't get it done sooner.

I love the band and am SO GLAD I got it done.

I DO have a complication with my port site. See my blog for more info if you want. But it should be easily fixed. I think. I hope. Even with a funky port site, I'm still COMPLETELY THRILLED with the surgery.


amandakiska said...

It might sound weird, but I wasn't 100% sure about the surgery until about THREE MONTHS after I'd had it. Then I could see it was definately going to work and I'm thrilled to have lost 70 lbs. in 5.5 months. I know you will have the surgery and it will go perfectlly and you, too, will be celebrating your new life very soon.

Allan is an ASS. Don't even think about him anymore. He doesn't know anything about WLS.

amandakiska said...

The other thing I want to say is that obesity becomes a serious health issue as we age. My mom isn't even 60 and she can barely climb stairs or walk around the block. She weighs about 280 - what I weighed when I had my surgery. You are young and healthy now, but what will the future hold? Are you planning to start a family? I don't want to be all doom and gloom, but I really believe that my mom's health would have been my future if I didn't have the surgery.

Linda said...

I hope you feel better after getting all the advice from the wise women above. I agree with everything they've said.
We're all scared at some point before surgery.
We all decided the risk was worth it
There can be complications, but for me developing diabetes was a bigger complication from being obese than any band slip or erosion.

I would definitely do it again. I hope you make the decision that works for you.

Drazil said...

Oh honey - it's normal. But yah, stop reading. And for as many bad stories, there are at least as many good ones here in the blogs...people are VERY quick to bitch and whine when bad stuff happens but if all goes well you may never hear those stories. I didn't have WLS but I had a tummy tuck - a completely elective procedure that I chose....and I was scared but everything in my heart knew I couldn't live life without completing my journey. I knew that without it I'd always be held back, I'd always regret and I'd always wonder and I wouldn't live to my fullest. You are worth this....no worries...we're all holding your hands.

Stephanie said...

You are normal and so are your fears, but you know that people can and will be successful. You need to have faith in yourself and the surgery. You will be a weight loss rock star, I just know it!!

Nikki said...

Oh sweetie! I think we all have fears of some sort...I am a natural worrier...I was there...Worried about if this was the thing for me and if I was gonna fail...ect...

All totally unfounded...I am still the amazing person I was before...just with more confidence in myself to show myself off!! You will do amazing..

I had a family friend that was all "anti-weight-loss-surgery"...telling me horror stories and sending me emails and such...

Stop reading the sites and cut off the negativity...you will be good! :)

Carmen said...

Just like everyone else said, it's normal to be nervous and stop reading those site!! :-) Angie posted a quote the other day, it said something like "weight loss surgery isn't the easy way out, it's a POSSIBILITY" I firmly believe that. Don't let anyone talk you into or out of this, it has to come from YOU, and nobody else. For ME, hands down this was the best decision I ever made. I've been fat for my whole life, I wasn't able to lose weight by myself, I needed help, physical help. Yes, some people have complications, (some bad some not so bad) yes some people have died (the majority of the time there were other health issues) and yes some people didn't lose weight (or gained it all back). But all of those things can happen without surgery. The times that I have doubts about getting the band are times when I may not be losing like I want to, or when I want to eat that whole plate of nachos and know that my little band won't let me (that physical help I needed!) but dang I WANT those nachos!!
I have faith in you and I know that you will choose what is right for YOU, no matter what anyone else says!! Feel free to email me anytime, I am here for you!! xoxo

Bonnie said...

I've been on vacation so just getting to your blog. I know you've already gotten so much great advice, but I just wanted to add my 2 cents which isn't very different than the rest. I purposefully did not read any negative comments related to the band. I knew the risks from my physician and there was no need to fill my head with the "what ifs" and horror stories. I filled my heads with the positive stories and really feel that, in part, my surgery went so well because I didn't let the negativity in. Don't get me wrong - I had doubts, but as soon as they started messing with my head, I would think about so many of my blogger friends who have been successful. I would also think about all the reasons I want to lose weight. You have one of the most compelling reasons - you want a baby. Focus on that and don't let the other crap in. XOXO

DiZneDiVa said...

I am a new follower... Happy Birthday BTW... I found you thru Kim's Happy Birthday Mary blog post. We all had doubts before and since we are so used to failing at every diet we tried... we think this will be the same. It won't. I am only 4 months out but I am 100% healthier and have lost 74 lbs of my incredibly high starting weight. I knew that the slight risks of the surgery were much less than the huge risks of staying morbidly obese. You will be fine and you will lose the weight you have tried to lose for years. There are alot of us in this bog community and no one has had complications like you read about... in fact I've never seen anyone of the 200 bloggers I follow even regreat having the band installed... They are all happy and they have all lost alot of weight. *Maria*-Blogger from "This one time at BAND Camp..." Check out my blog at mybigfatbandgeeklife.blogspot.com

Alison said...

Just wanted to wish you a very happy birthday!! x

Pamela E. Williams said...

Happy Birthday Mary!!

I know of the fears, but you know that fear is not of God. You have to have faith and believe that everything will come out right.

Now I might have mentioned that I have had so many surgeries I can't count them all on one hand; one being a double mastectomy. You will be fine, but the first thing you must do is stop reading those sites. It's just like watching a horror movie. Its just there to scare you. Those things might have happened, but that doesn't mean it will happen to you. Trust and believe sweetie.

♥♥♥ Enjoy your birthday!!!

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